这个美女太积极

来源:用户上传      作者: 刘瑜

　　 到现在基本上可以肯定，我没法和Miriam成为好朋友了，就是因为她太积极向上了。
　　 Miriam，一个德国女生，身材高挑，举止优雅。长得嘛，这么说吧，大家说起她的时候，都不会叫名字，而是直接说“我们系那个德国美女”。
　　 她比我低一级，2003年夏天参加我们系的“过关考试”，听说我前一年考了优，跑来找我“取经”。我们就这么认识了。
　　 那时候，我到美国之后的新鲜劲还没有完全过去，对于交朋友，还有一种收藏癖。各个国家的朋友，都想收藏一个。
　　 看着坐在我的对面的笑盈盈的美女，我在脑子里搜索了一遍我的朋友地图，于是决定，要在我的地图上插上她这面美丽的德国小旗。
　　那个周末正好请朋友吃饭，于是我就把她叫上了。
　　 过了一段时间，她去听歌剧，叫上了我。
　　然后我又叫她喝过一次咖啡。
　　 然后她又叫我去她家开一个party。
　　多好的开端啊。接下来，本来应该是一个德国女孩和一个中国女孩，在纽约这个世界都市，谱写一曲世界人民心连心的新篇章。可是，全不是这么回事。我们俩好不容易把中德友谊加温到30度，就再也上不去了，扔再多的柴也不管用了，就是眼泪给熏出来，也不管用了。
　　 究其原因，就是她这个人太积极，而我太消极。如果谈到我们系某个教授，我刚想说他的坏话，她就说：“啊，他太棒了……”
　　 说到某个学术会议，我刚想说太无聊了，她就说：“那个会我真是受益匪浅……
　　 说到写论文，我刚想哭诉，她就说：“我真的特别享受写论文……”
　　而我觉得，检验友谊的唯一标准，就是两个人能否凑在一起说别人的坏话。
　　 跟她在一起，我越来越觉得惭愧。生活对于她，光明、灿烂、积极，好比一件量身定做的小旗袍，穿得服服帖帖；穿在我身上，却是要胸没胸，要屁股没屁股，真是糟蹋了好布料。
　　就算我努力用历史唯物主义观点解释：中国，这样一个第三世界国家，和德国这样一个发达资本主义国家，生产出非常不同的性格，有它的历史必然性。可看她穿着有前有后的小旗袍，我还是羞愧难当。
　　于是，我不太跟她玩了。
　　 那天，在系里碰见她，她刚从印尼调查回来，照例满面春风。
　　 我问：“调查做得怎样？”
　　 “很好！”她说。
　　 “去那样一个人生地不熟的国家，会不会孤单啊？”
　　 “不会，怎么会呢？”
　　 “这个学期忙吗？”
　　 “嗯，我有两个会、三篇论文、一个助教的职位……”她振奋的声音，噼里啪啦在我眼前绽开。在她兴奋的声音里，我又看见自己变成一只小虫子，怀着自己那点焦虑，就像揣着万贯家产，贴着墙角，灰溜溜地，往自己虚构的、安全的阴影里爬。
　　 By now, I’m almost sure that I cannot make good friends with Miriam, just because she’s too active and enterprising.
　　 Miriam is a graceful German girl, tall and slim. As for her looks, to put it simply, when others mention her, they never tell her name but say instead “that German beauty in our department”.
　　 She’s one grade below me. In the summer of 2003, hearing that I had got an A on our department’s final exam of the previous year, she came to me for experience. Therefore, we got to know each other.
　　 At that time, the novelty of America I felt after my arrival remained. With regard to making friends, I even formed a habit of collecting. I wanted to collect a friend from each country. Looking at the smiling beauty seated opposite me, I skimmed over my map of friends in my brain. Finally, I decided to plant a pretty German flag on the map.
　　 That weekend, taking the opportunity of dining with friends, I invited her.
　　 After some time, she asked me to listen to the opera with her.
　　 Then I treated her to coffee.
　　 Later, she invited me to her home for a party.
　　 What a wonderful beginning! After that, it should have been that in New York, an international metropolis, a German girl and a Chinese girl wrote a new chapter of the world’s people hand in hand. However, things went on entirely differently. We made every effort to improve the friendship between China and Germany. But like a stove, after it was heated to 30 degrees Celsius, the temperature wouldn’t go up. No matter how much more wood we added, it just didn’t work, even though the smoke brought tears to our eyes.
　　 Tracing it to its cause, I think she’s too active while I’m too passive. When it came to some professor in our department, before I began to speak ill of him, she said, “Ah, he’s excellent...” While I thought an academic conference was too boring, she said, “I learned a lot from it...”
　　 As to writing a paper, which was a headache for me, she said, “I really enjoy writing a paper...”

　　 But in my opinion, the sole criterion of friendship is whether two people can speak ill of others together.
　　 I felt more and more ashamed to be with her. To her, life is bright and active. It is like a tailor-made cheongsam, quite close-fitting for her, but totally unsuitable for me―waste of good cloth indeed.
　　 I tried to understand it in the light of historical materialism: it’s inevitable that China, a third-world country, and Germany, a developed capitalist one, may produce distinct characters. Yet even so, I felt abashed to find her wearing such a becoming cheongsam.
　　 Therefore, I tried to avoid being with her.
　　 The other day, I met her in the department. She had just come back from the investigation in Indonesia, shining with happiness as usual.
　　 I asked, “How about the investigation?”
　　 “Great!” she answered.
　　 “Did you feel lonely in such a strange country?”
　　 “No. Why lonely?”
　　 “Are you busy this semester?”
　　 “Yes, two conferences to attend, three papers to write, an assistant’s position to apply for...” Her inspiring voice crackled in front of me. Hearing her voice, I felt as if I had become an anxious worm, carrying all the property and crawling covertly along the wall corner to the imaginary shade of safety.

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